Rough mornings in post-newspaper America

turns out the black houses were just early internet adopters

One other consideration about the death of the newspaper industry that occurred to me last night (nevermind at what time): If print editions and deliveries go away, how will we know when it’s too late to be coming home from a night out?

This used to be the benchmark: if you could stop on your way home from the bar or a party and get that day’s newspaper or see people hawking the amNY by the subway, you know your night was indeed a long one. If you made it back home before that first whack of the paper hit a doorstep on your block, your march had just fallen short of qualifying for the Walk of Shame (or Stride of Pride*, depending on your perspective).

So what then are the new media model-era signposts of a night that has probably carried on far too long?

  • It’s the only time of day when no one on the entire planet shows up in your Facebook chat list
  • Gawker has already revealed the mystery blind item subjects of the day
  • Last night’s epiosde of The Daily Show is starting its third rerun
  • Even ?uesto and MC Hammer are done twittering for the day
  • Your juiced-up iPhone battery life is sputtering to an end
  • More of your journalist friends have already received their morning lay-off notices
like you should be checking e-mail at this hour anyway

like you should be checking e-mail at this hour anyway

  • The sun has risen in your Gmail beach theme
  • Missed Connections are already up from the bar you just left
  • People have already posted, and commented on, embarrassing pictures of you from the night out before you can untag yourself
  • That one bizarre show on Fox News that’s almost, sort of kinda fun to watch is still on
  • Newspaper web sites have yet to fix their misspelled headlines (though some never seem to) [UPDATE: Edenfield has since fixed the hede]
  • Your Google Reader is already back at 1000+ after you zeroed it out the day before
  • Just ask the milkman, I guess

Got any others?

[With contributions from Jeff Vrabel]

* Note to Terps: that’s right, Lissa Barker’s column is still online. Excerpt:

“You picked him up for a reason, honey, so be proud! Do not be afraid to announce, ‘I was just naked with an ACC champion. Where are you coming from?’ to anyone who looks at you the wrong way.”

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4 responses to “Rough mornings in post-newspaper America

  1. I had a great quote about that chick I can’t recall. it had something to do with her being a (slut) with a pen instead of a writer with a vagina. oh wait i think that was it.

  2. Hey Tim. That headline is fixed now.

  3. Ask the milkman? Are you trapped in a time machine?

  4. that was, of course, satire, dude

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