Nothing like coming back from a weekend away to find the latest in our company’s ongoing series of Memos From the Funtime Happiness Police. I’ve edited out the corporate doublespeak and treacle below.

DATE: August 14, 2008
TO: All Employees
FROM: (Publisher)
SUBJECT: Wage Freeze

economic downturn … unprecedented negative effect on revenues … our financial health. … control expenses.

… implementing an across-the-board, one-year wage freeze effective Sept. 1, 2008

… avoided taking this step as long as possible …. stress on your personal expenses … you are working hard to adapt to our changing business model. … we hope we can continue to count on you … difficult period. … confident … cost control measures … financially healthy company in the future.

Translation: Hooray newspapers!

We got a shipment of new reporters notebooks today and they came with a few free black notebook holders. The boss said they sent us these to try to entice us to buy more of them. Michael Shapiro said, “But this will come in handy when I start working in a restaurant at nights.”

The boss looked at him and said, “Well, yeah, it would.”

Yeah indeed.

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