The Weekly Winkerbean

A new feature, through which to unleash my rage at the so-called comic strip known as “Funky Winkerbean.” The strip is the epicenter of my anger on a daily basis, yet it continues to appear unironically in our newspaper. So we decided to make it ironic.

Funky is an oppressive and shrewd taskmaster
March 17-23: recap

Funky wants to hire an employee for his pizza parlor, but needs one who will log the requisite number of hours that constitute a workday. Disbelief is expressed that someone would want a weekend off. It is revealed Funky is a workaholic. A man resembling Harvey Fierstein destroys the want ad before expressing interest in the job.
Harvey Fierstein explains the money he would earn at this pizzeria is the difference between his daughter — who is already sleeping around — going to college or becoming a street trash. While he is not a poor teaacher, the man explains, he is a poor teacher (actual dialogue).
The two shake hands on the matter and agree to remain friends, despite overwhelming evidence that working together ruins friendships. Later, they begin their business partnership by looking for Funky’s glasses, which he has comically misplaced.

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