Here comes the Toms, it’s a bezerker

See if you can find the error in this screenshot from the short-lived animated version of Clerks.
Despite being a Secret-Stash-stalking, sailboat viewing, 37!-shouting Jersey-born Kevin Smith fanboy (who does not include Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back or Jersey Girl, and has misgivings about Dogma, as most fanboys and girls will agree), I hadn’t actually watched all of these episodes until recently. So in this episode, our loyal clerksters for whatever reason (the plot of the cartoon was incidental at best, and useless at worst) end up coaching a little league team. In the process, the give the TR some of the best screen time it’s had since the filming of the original Amytville Horror House.
Did you see the error? No, it’s not that the town isn’t ridiculously in love with the little league world champions. Admittedly, that was a pretty proud moment for the TR as I watched the victory with several other proud Riverians in the Sears in the Ocean County Mall, perhaps the perfect venue to honor the town. But it got a little out of hand when they were signing autographs at the mall and the town named Rt. 37 after them.

The problem is, there’s no apostrophe in “Toms River.” That’s right copy editors; it’s a horrible abomination to punctuational decency, and you’ll just have to deal with it. The town is named for Old Indian Tom, and yes, it was his river at one point. But for whatever reason, the apostrophe was lost over the years, and now the river is made of multiple Toms. I’m kinda shocked Kevin Smith got this wrong, as he only grew up 40 minutes away. Could this disregard for the rules of civilized sentence structure be the catalyst for the dozens of signs in Seaside that misspell words like “fried” (fryed), “zeppole” (any number of massacres, from zepolie, to zepolle), to the worst, “sausage” which for years was listed as “suasage” on the Midway Steak House sign. If you have an appreciation for grammar, spelling or punctuation, you best close you’re better off closing your eyes walking down the boardwalk. Actually, that’s probably good advice for anyone.

2 responses to “Here comes the Toms, it’s a bezerker

  1. Two things: “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back” is fun to watch. And it’s funny. “Jersey Girl” isn’t terrible. In fact, Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler are likable in it, and Affleck has at least one great scene.

    “Dogma” has some problems though, you’re right about that.

  2. agreed that jay and silent bob is funny to watch, but it’s at the expense of the honor of the rest of the kevin smith universe. Dogma was clever and thought-provoking, but a little pedantic. Kevin Smith is better when he sticks to over-intellectual discussions of genitalia.

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