Will address your room for food

Reasons to Get Rejected from a Business Legal News Reporting Job (according to people who did not hire me):

1. Completely nervously flubbing a question about the current economic crisis. (understandable reason)

2. Not “addressing the room” in an interview involving two people, only one of whom was talking the entire time. (?)

Bright side: use of a new term.

This was, until the interview at least, a job I felt cautiously optimistic about my chances at getting. I had even started eying my day job with that small bit of wistfulness that surrounds even a rote task as it nears its waning days. Foolish, I know, but a boy’s mind can wander when unpacking 45 boxes of organic marina sauce until 2 in the morning and thinking of the siberian wasteland of his bank account.

The job was also, notably, a significant symbolic step in the world between print and web. It’s an online only news service funded entirely by subscriptions. And only recently have they started aggressively pursuing subscriptions and looking into advertising. During the interview, I was as interested in talking to the CEO about the viability of the business model for the new media landscape as I was about the specific job itself.

But now I get to say things like the following (with bombastic emphasis on the caps part): “Oh, Chris, I’d love to buy you brunch today, but I didn’t ADDRESS THE ROOM enough to be able to do it!”

Or:

Friend: “Hey Tim, did you get tickets to the Takka Takka show this weekend?”
Me: “I wanted to, but I guess I didn’t ADDRESS THE ROOM so it looks like I can’t afford it!”

And:

Other friend: “Wanna split a cab?”
Me: “Not until I address a whole bunch of damn rooms.”

At the next job interview, I’m totally glad handing every single person I see in the building just in case. Also maybe I should shave the beard. And wear pants. It’s just hard to be comfortable talking to large groups in such constrictive clothing.

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5 responses to “Will address your room for food

  1. I’m sorry to hear that Tim. The night before your interview I’d intended to remind you to “ADDRESS THE ROOM.” Next time grow a moustache, put on a pink suit and a fake Afro and just run in there, “I LOVE WHAT YOU’VE DONE HERE, DON’T CHANGE A THING…”

  2. That. Is. Stupid.

    What a lame-ass excuse — “not addressing the room.” They probably hired the guy’s second cousin or something.

    Hang in there, champ.

  3. You gots to be personable, if you’re a salesman. Christ. That is stupid. I can see the part about the economic crisis, and I’d like to have heard your answer before I make further judgment. But, all in all, I think there was a reason you didn’t get this job. Like, perhaps, that it would have driven you mad much quicker than the Island Packet.

  4. How did you find out the addressing-the-room thing was one of the reasons you didn’t get the job? Did the editor tell that to you?

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