Double shot of happy today, because I know a lot of people who could use a lot of happy this week.
First happy! Go on, brush your controllers off. Get… that .. dirt out yo cartridge….
Further proof that the main pursuit of my life between ages 8-18 will be fodder for pop culture fertility for generations to come:
Tracklist, if you’re not on point with the songs already:
Jay-Z — Dirt Off Your Shoulders
T.I — What You Know
Chamillionaire — Ridin’
Ludacris — What’s Ya Fantasy
Bonecrusher — Neva Scared
Kanye — Overnight Celebrity
Ludacris — Move Bitch
Lil’ Jon — Get Low
Kanye — Gold Digger
Still trying to figure out who created this, but shout out to Shot Then, where I first found it.
After listening to this, I went running out the door and beat the shit out of some Generic Dudes Gang members before setting fire to a series of bushes looking for a square staircase.Then I immediately started triangulating the location of my NES so I can get back on the job of virus elimination in the new universal Dr. Mario healthcare system.
Side list: Courses That Need to Be Added to College Curriculi Immediately–
1) Why Blowing In A NES Cartridge Works. Seriously, why does it work? Why has no one done a study on this yet? Don’t tell me there’s that much dirt in that cartridge that you need gale-force winds just to even see a blinking tittle screen. That’s a bigger load of lies than The Wizard demonstrating how the Power Glove worked. I’m sorry, but our answer is in another castle.
I once was at a party where a group of very young girls were clearly lying about their age in order to not get thrown out. The test? They were forced to jump start a Super Mario Bros. cartridge. They failed. They did not grow up in the 80s. They left.
2) Rules and Regulations of Beer Dodgeball (NES)
Pete Early and I created this game on a very fateful week in summer 05, and roommate John (whose mugshot I may post here momentarily) and I perfected it over the following months. I once posted the rules on Gamestop forums for the game, but they were deleted, probably because my drinking-related entry stood out as the only entry for all time for the game, and it wouldn’t be very socially responsible of them to let it stand.
Very brief primer on what you need to know to play BDB, aka the best
drinking game since beer pong: drink half of whatever damage your player takes, plus five if he goes around the screen or rolls. And no one can ever, ever ever be the USSR. It’s just not fair. Also, Southpaw is the official beer of BDB. And if you drink it, you will regress to a blinking, 8-bit version of your life.
Second happy!A Muppet and a Fat Guy
The depths of winter depression about the newspaper industry stand no chance against this: Elmo and Ricky Gervais outtakes.
GET OFF ELMO! YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TOUCH ELMO!
Ricky Gervais, of course the brilliant mind behind the original (and so much smarter and funnier, as I’m sure even diehard fans of Jim and Pam would agree by now) version of The Office. And Elmo, finally gaining street cred after so many years living as the over-promoted Sesame Street version of The Killers while so many other talented Muppets were relegated to obscure indie blogs.
Big nod to roommate Charlie, aka King Meme, for the tip on this one.