Category Archives: soapbox friends

Til death do us pun

A video full of wedding puns? Aisle drink to that!

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‘Stretch’ your imagination this Thursday

Every now and then we turn over this blog space to help promote some doings of Soapbox friends, and this is one I’m actually involved in:

Stretch issue #2 launch party, 7 pm this Thursday at Word bookstore in Greenpoint, celebrating the release of what we can safely call the most expansive, detailed, brimming-with-intrigue, handsome — and only — literary zine comprised entirely of contributions from Trader Joe’s Brooklyn employees. Dave Colon began self-publishing Stretch last year when — frustrated as we all are with the state of things for both the printed word and the printed-word-related job market —he decided to just make something happen himself. (DIY, do or die!) For this issue, he asked for contributions from similarly underemployed fellow grocery jockeys, who it turns out have lots of free brain time in between helping nannies wrap their three bananas in four plastic bags.

SEE words written by and HEAR readings read by coworkers (and yes, there will be FREE BOOZE): Continue reading

An honest jew makes a plea for Christmas lights

All these years, and this is still the best Hanukkah can do in the home entertainment market

Happy Channu-Hannu-xhannu- Hanukkah to all you … what’s the opposite of goyim? Whatever that is, celebrate! And for all our druish friends who felt left out of all the world-conquering Christmas cheer over the years, take some solace: had Christmas cheer been successful in implanting itself in your brain like the lancet fluke, you would now be trampling over your fellow Christians to get to the Wal-Mart flat screen HD FaceNumber3000 model at 4:30 in the morning in the name of Jesus.

In honor of the holidays, please enjoy this hilarious soundclip from noted Jew Barry Schwartz, who last year sat his mother down and expressed his desire for some of the coveted Christmas cheer and other goyim nachas enjoyed by his neighbors. The opening line: “I’m sorry you were born a Jew.”

Send that boy some lights!

Bonus:  Barry on why Mariah Carey’s Christmas album may be the defining work of her career (via Stylus, RIP)

Akwarian Sea Rebel EP release FRIDAY

Occasionally we turn over this blog space to help promote some friend-of-the-blog happenings, and this week is a going to be a fun one:

Akwarian Sea Rebel, aka Trader Joe’s artist-in-arms and all-around groovy person Mandy Heck, is holding an EP release party Friday at Matchless featuring several things you probably haven’t seen before at a show in Williamsburg.

1) Dancers
1) A) Dancers in MASKS
2) More drunk Trader Joe’s employees per square inch anywhere outside the Brazen Head.
3) A Sesame Street-featured artist performing live!

That last one is awesome, and loyal blog readers (ha!) will remember reading about this earlier. Since then, Mandy and MJ had their cartoon accepted by Sesame Street, where it will run on the venerable children’s program Nov. 3. (Suck it, Katy Perry!). Watch it again to get it stuck in your head before Friday, and click through for more details about the show. Oh yeah, and it’s a FREE SHOW!:

Lonely Eleven

Vodpod videos no longer available.

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Disco Vietnam at Bar Matchless WEDNESDAY!!

Occasionally we turn over this blog space to help promote some friend-of-the-blog happenings, and this week is a big one:


The Bros. Schwartz at the first recorded Disco Vietnam band meeting

Perhaps you saw them in town last summer, where the brothers Schwartz and their raucous melodic pop power shook the tiny fragile walls of Hank’s Saloon so much that Yelp reviews of the venue were immediately edited the following morning to update the status as “Vietconged.”

Now, the Schwartzes and the rest of the gang will load their equipment into the band’s standard AH-64 Apache helicopter at their Long Island lair and descend via rock grappling hooks and beat-making belay wires in their air-raid return to Socialist Republic of Brooklyn on Wednesday, with landing expected at Bar Matchless at 7 p.m.


Bar Matchless (Greenpoint/’burg)

7 p.m. doors, 10 pm show, Wednesday 10-6-2010

(also appearing:  The Roof Walkers, Delta Hotel, Subject of the Question and Gift Exchange).

Are you unfamiliar with Disco Vietnam? What the hell? What have you been doing this whole time? Why not sample some tracks from their new EP “Totally Awesome Decisions” over on MyFace. Or download their latest single, Little Infinity, right now, put it in your SpacePhone to listen to on the train. It’s music that’s a guaranteed cure for a case of this.

[Special guest appearances also scheduled, though they are mostly relevant only to people who attended the University of Maryland between 2002-2007. But if this includes you, grab your snakehead fish and scream “OKAY!”]

Nutsackett Up (shameless self-promotion)

Dear blog reader(s?) —

As any of you who has attempted to have a conversation with me well knows, the reason I write so prolifically is because my ability to speak coherently has all but completely atrophied over the years into a miasma of stuttered sentences, awkward pauses and more “likes” than a Kanye Facebook status. Despite this, people have recently started asking me to talk out loud in front of small crowds

As such, fellow Brokelynite Beth Hoyt has invited me to ruin what is usually a very nice (and free) evening of storytelling at The Sackett bar in Park Slope this coming Wednesday at 8 p.m., where I will be sandwiched between several people who are much better at this than I (see below). Continue reading

blog piracy? [Jaws music]

Wholesale blog post repurposing? The noive!

[UPDATE: 4:05 pm: looks like they’ve taken down the Brokleyn content, but stuff from the other blogs still remains. They’ve hit some stuff in other cities too, such as SF’s Streetsblog and QueensCrap]

I mean, c’mon — the entire post? Not cool, brah. We weren’t alone of course:


Brooklyn Based:


and the others too.

The site seems to contain no original content, and has no “About” page.  So is this a ravenous site posing as an aggregator, with robotic levels of anonymity? Don’t think we can’t find you.

From their April launch release: Media, is a New York City based LLC that connects consumers with local businesses. The company earns revenues through search and display advertising, and will offer premium commercial services directly to businesses.’s direct competitors include IAC’s CitySearch, Yelp, and Zagat.

From their terms agreement:

You hereby grant City and its affiliates a worldwide, non-exclusive, fully paid-up, royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable, fully sub licensable, and fully transferable license to use, reproduce, distribute, modify, adapt, prepare derivative works of, incorporate into other works, display, perform, and otherwise exploit Your Content for any purpose, including without limitation promoting and redistributing part or all of the Site (and derivative works thereof) in any media formats and through any media channels now known or later developed (“Downstream Distributions”).

Stay tuned kids. This could get fun.

Michael Bahlitzanakis, or something, at left

UPDATE 12:19 am: The site is owned by this guy — the one on the left — Michael Bahlitzanakis, a “serial entrepreneur, domainer and now developer,” according to (no joke):

He’s the owner of BPHG Media, which has more than 4,000 “premium generics,” including,, and

In the release, Bahlitzanakis says: “Our strategy has never wavered since our inception. We believe long-term value appreciation has always been expressed in the development of individual domain-independent businesses.”

MORE: Content is king, and everyone wants the crown