Tag Archives: fail

The best time I got rejected from The Awl

Dec 23, 2011, 9:22am:
>For your consideration. Thanks!

Td

[STUPID PIECE WENT HERE AND HERE AND HERE]

Dec 23, 2011 at 9:33 AM, Choire Sicha wrote:
>TIM.

You are so wrong in the head!

Dec 23, 2011 at 9:36 AM, Tim Donnelly wrote:
> sometimes I just have to amuse myself.

Dec 23, 2011 at 9:39 AM, Choire Sicha wrote:
>SICK MONSTER!!!

Dec 23, 2011 at 10:12 AM, Tim Donnelly wrote:
> this is still exponentially nicer than most pitch responses I get*
.
On Fri, Dec 23, 2011 at 10:16 AM, Choire Sicha wrote:
>haha, MERRY CHRISTMAS.
.
(*this is so true).
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Rejected McSweeney’s: Open letter to some mice editon

An Open Letter to the Mice in our Apartment Who Consistently Ignore My Humane Trap in Favor of the Rat Zapper

Dear Mice,

I tried. Believe me I did, because I’m on your side. I was the lone voice in the apartment who rose up and cried out in angry protest the day the otherroommates announced we would bring a Rat Zapper into the apartment. Brittany had had too much, seen too many furry horrors running across the kitchen floor or lurking outside the bedroom.

It was I, fair rodent, who raised the fist of objection, who climbed the animal welfare soapbox and offered to pony up the price for the humane trap, the one with the pleasant tiny ramps that lure you in with ease into a comfortable rodent waiting room until, yes, the relocation doctor will see you know, and I will be happy to move you out to a nice verdant life in the wilderness of Fort Greene Park.

The compromise reached in the apartment was that the humane trap, would be placed in direct competition with the Rat Zapper, with its cruel voltage mechanical humming of fatality, to see which was more effective in this Brooklyn apartment.

I tried, believe me, Mice, I tried.

I positioned the Humane Trap directly next to the Death Trap, with hopes its two small entry ways would catch your tiny eyes more than the one, long, gaping maw of the Deathoplex.

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Tips on Cheap NYC dates from David Byrne fans

So Brokelyn couldn’t run this piece since some of the recommended dates were in Manhattan and note the Broke-pun-inducing borough. This is something that for whatever reason didn’t cross my mind at the time, maybe because my focus was increasingly being diverted by thoughts of the several bottles of rum and one pouch of wine warming in the early summer sun back at the blanket where we were camped out before the free David Byrne show.

Here it is, so as the effort wasn’t all for naught, even if it still is naught for all. Oh blog, how you serve as such a neat basin for the swirling outflush of failures:

____________________________

As far as cheap Brooklyn dates go, you’d be hard-pressed to find a better one than the scene in Prospect Park on Monday: a sunny summer day, picnicking under the trees and law enforcement who seemed to look the other way every time a new bottle of wine popped open. Oh, and there was that guy from the neighborhood, David Byrne, who put on a free concert with dancers, lights, three encores, and even some tutus.

So, that’s a pretty high bar to set for low-cost dating experiences. But when there’s not a Talking Head hanging out in the park with 27,000 of your neighbors, where else can you take a date without burning down the wallet? We asked people at the show for some recession-conscious suggestions:

Jane PincusJane Pincus

25, Long Island City, co-owner of Yestadt Millinery (hat company)

Recommendation: Alibi Bar in Fort Greene, 242 DeKalb Ave.

Best for: Getting to know someone without being drowned out by bar noise.

It’s a cheap neighborhood bar with $1 mugs of beer, if your date doesn’t mind a little blue-collar character.

“It’s a nice bar, they have a pool table and a back porch, so it’s cool in the summer. It’s good for a date. You can talk outside and it’s quiet.”

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