Tag Archives: lonely jews

An honest jew makes a plea for Christmas lights

All these years, and this is still the best Hanukkah can do in the home entertainment market

Happy Channu-Hannu-xhannu- Hanukkah to all you … what’s the opposite of goyim? Whatever that is, celebrate! And for all our druish friends who felt left out of all the world-conquering Christmas cheer over the years, take some solace: had Christmas cheer been successful in implanting itself in your brain like the lancet fluke, you would now be trampling over your fellow Christians to get to the Wal-Mart flat screen HD FaceNumber3000 model at 4:30 in the morning in the name of Jesus.

In honor of the holidays, please enjoy this hilarious soundclip from noted Jew Barry Schwartz, who last year sat his mother down and expressed his desire for some of the coveted Christmas cheer and other goyim nachas enjoyed by his neighbors. The opening line: “I’m sorry you were born a Jew.”

Send that boy some lights!

Bonus:  Barry on why Mariah Carey’s Christmas album may be the defining work of her career (via Stylus, RIP)